Taking the Time

Out again for an 80 miler. As it turned out I could only find 75.5 on the route. It was a glorious day. Perfect temp. a few clouds. I even wore arm warmers. Though I didn't need them. They did feel good, even when it warmed up. I never took them off. Long mile pace ride. 50X15 most of the day. A good bit of wind showed up and I was lucky to have it at my back for more than half the ride. Go fast zone. It was great fun. I felt great, I was fast for an old fart. The route took 4 hours 25 mins for the 75.5 miles. I feel and felt good about the day. I even passed 2 fit young riders that just could not keep up with my easy pace. I just could not go that slow. I peddled off the front.
Here's the story. I was asking myself why the need to push myself so hard. I have not raced this year. I think I my not race all this year. I just need to train longer than I thought to come back to race form. It's the slow approach to training. No short cuts. After all the guys I will be racing with did not take 13 years off the bike as I did. So an extra year of building seems a small price to pay towards my over all strength and fitness. These guys have also raced for those 13 years. I'm way behind. So the extra year of training is not that much. This is not the whole story though. It's part. The other part is the race to live. I have an almost obsessive need to push my body back to speed. It's the "REAPER". A story that came to me last year when training hard. I can feel the "REAPER" at my back. Just a chill. A notion of that idea and reality of death and doom. Personal end. It hit me when the physical and medical problems just over took me, before I started riding and training again. What was I going to do to improve my life all around? It would have to be the bike for me. It is really all I know anymore. The bike and training. I ride for purpose, not for fun. Though I love the experiences of the road. It's the creepy feeling of death nearer than I thought it was. Age and time now having a new urgency. I reached a point where the time was shorter in this life than my age. I'm not going to live 57 more years. When I was young it seemed like a foreign country. Death was that far and un-noticeable from my sight. Now it is on a path near all the time. I have meet this "REAPER". I know it as a friend. A friend that will have to work hard to catch up to me. I'm not going to wait, for the "REAPER. The "REAPER" will have to catch me. I'm still to slow. I need to train longer and harder. Get faster. Lose more weight. Eat better. Live longer. Live stronger. Be the best I can be, with the time that I have.
So it's the notion of death and the "REAPER" that are part of my strength. Knowing I have a limited amount of time to ride the roads. Not wanting to waste the time I have. Getting out and working hard on the road. The road, the training, the race to live well. Maybe the racing is going well this year! The competition is just different,, than I thought it would be.